Taking furrst breaths
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And dare to put on the head. The soft paws. First time trying on a fursuit because a friend had just casually offered to entrust you wearing their partial, named Voxel, for a little while ... Sure. Can't be that hard.
It's clumsy at first, of course... Things feel a little out of place. In this case, there were these massive feet-paws to watch out for - made it a biiiit hard to walk straight. It also takes a moment to figure out where your fingers go, what with the paws having just three digits, but... that was just a side-note to the real issue of feeling your heart pounding because you're so damn nervous.
And then said friend casually adds that he will fetch a little sign, walks off to leave you to finish putting on the rest... And comes back with a stick of wood upon which rests a paper confidently exclaiming "Free Hugs!". And you're about to be given this sign - again, first time ever wearing a Fursuit and all - and brought out to walk through the evening crowd of nothing less than the Eurofurence.
You'd think that this would be a stressful moment, of a sort, especially with it being a kind of spontaneous idea, even though I've been wishing to suit for a while now. And it is! Don't get me wrong. This entire body was on edge during the whole ordeal.
But there's something about wearing that fursuit that's ... Soothing. Exciting. You take a few steps... You look in the mirror - which, by the way, is a wholly weird experience all by itself - but then you notice that the suit actually does look pretty good on you, and ... That it also means nobody can see you for the moment.
And so you take a few brave steps into the crowd, still nervous as hell, not knowing what exactly to do and just following your friend around a bit. And it was roughly this point, for me, that something in this brain just ... Clicked. This was still fine. You could breathe. Walk, talk. Wave at people... Then quickly figuring out how to act, adding a little sway in the step to make the tail swish. Changing your stance a little, bringing the paws up slightly to give a slightly more prowling appearance as you get used to the weights and feelings. There was no reason not to - you're already wearing a damn fursuit, might as well make it worth your time! You'd think that putting on a Fursuit is like putting on a mask, but it felt quite the opposite. It was all masks off - no need to pretend or be careful around certain behaviours. Just ... be.
It's not automatic - at least for me this whole brain was actively engaged with every little decision being made, considering what to do and what to try next. From the rhythm of the footsteps to the subtle waving movements of the paws, over to how to exaggerate the movement of your head to properly emphasize nodding, shaking, squeaking and wriggling. For any somewhat neurotypical person this will probably sound like absolute hell, why would you ever want your mind to be this engaged in just walking, but keep in mind - I have a brain that does not shut up anyways. It's gonna find things to think about, and sadly sometimes those can be anxious, or worried... But not if you give it something to do. Something like this act. Everything just kind of ... Fades out as you get to focus on just being - being whatever the hell you choose, at that, and I just so happen to have lucked out with Voxel was incredibly adorable and very well made. No, this level of mental focus on purely pleasant, expressive things was soothing honey to this usually overly complex brain-sponge... It was like taking the fight or flight response and turning it on its head, turning that stressful overthinking into a dopamine powerhouse. It was, in an odd and self-contradicting way, one of the most stressful and mentally active moments of the entirety of eurofurence, all while being the most safe-feeling, present and engaged I have been able to feel in a long time.
Even just social interactions became part of this smooth, comfortable act. The way a fursuiter can interact with bystanders is wildly different from your average human-to-human conversation. The very presence of a suiter is like an invitation to participate, and a little hand-wave gesture is all that it takes to confidently convey "Hello, I would like you to come over!". The level of attention to your actions is incredible, but it's not authoritative, it's communal - you can only ever invite someone to join your act, and you stand alongside them, not above them.
It is truly fascinating for us just how many people approached us in-suit, with not even a word spoken or much of a gesture, but simply going for a hug and then leaving. People that, I'm reasonably sure, would be too shy to reach out to most people for a hug at all. I know because I'm like that. But if a big fluffy creature mrewls at you while holding a sign that verbatim says "HUG ME PLEASE" ... There's no social complexity. It is one of the most straightforward and open interaction types one could ever offer.
I was always appreciative of this type of interaction just as a "normal bystanders". But ... Being able to give this interaction was ... Very freeing. Because I know how hard it can be to reach out to that cool suiter and ask for some interaction, so I think when it's my turn to have my own suit, I'll make sure to bring some initiative. It felt good, being able to give back to the people that were out and about being ... themselves. Making the furry fandom as awesome of a group as it is.
I think in total we must have hugged ... What, more than fifty people. Five. Zero. In a span of just two hours - and even that is just a fraction of all of the people that were around at Eurofurence. I think it was one of the most addictive, warming, comfortable experience I have had in ages. I thought I knew what fursuiting would be like ... I had no idea. But I do, now. Right after leaving EF we started researching what you need to buy to make your own fursuit. There's a roll of fur already delivered, a sewing machine, shaver and a few other bits on the way. Things can move fast if you have that wave of enthusiasm and maybe even a sense of euphoria to make you more spending-happy :P
To Pixelsuchter, the friend who did this to me: I will forever (teasingly) hate you for doing this to me. Lending me that damn suit ... I'm hooked, now. And it's like a curse - wanting more of that already, even though we have no suit of our own ... yet.